


Not Okay

by itsbashermoran



Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Angst, Depression, F/M, Ficlet, Hurt No Comfort, Nightmares, Short, failed comfort, maybe? - Freeform, pain isn't logical, so logic doesn't help
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-14
Packaged: 2018-02-13 04:17:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2136726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsbashermoran/pseuds/itsbashermoran
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>this is just something I wrote a long time ago and found again. how Amy and Rory are terribly damaged, and there's no real happiness or hope here, so be warned.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Amy

Rory didn't understand.

When Amy woke up in the middle of the night, screaming and reaching for a baby that wasn't there—would never be there—he held her and said it would be all right and let her cry. But she knew he didn't understand.

They discussed it once, during the day, when the nightmares had passed. “Remember when you were holding my hand, and the Doctor zapped me, and then I was gone?” Amy said. “Wasn't that hard?”

“Yes,” Rory said slowly, wary of saying the wrong thing. “But that wasn't you. I mean, it was the Flesh. It wasn't… _you_.”

He was sensible like that.

Of course, Amy _knew_ that Melody was safe. That she had grown up safe and was, in fact, raised by her parents, married to their best friend. She knew that the child she had held was just a replica, the Flesh.

But in her nightmares… Amy relived that moment over and over. Holding Melody in her arms. Comforting her baby, pressing that warm bundle safely to her chest. And then feeling her… disappear. Turn to nothing. Her baby, her child, gone.

Of all the things she had seen and done, that was the worst. Nothing could compare to that moment when she tried so hard to protect her baby… and failed.

And Amy would never be okay.


	2. Rory

Rory Williams used to have nightmares about showing up at school in his underwear, being laughed off by Amy, or messing up a patient’s medication, causing a death.

After he met the Doctor—the real Doctor, who couldn't be real because he was just a story—those dreams seemed benign in comparison to the new ones. Being eaten alive by children with alien teeth, Amy leaving him for a life in the TARDIS, and—possibly strangest of all—being murdered by kindly old people.

 _This is it,_ Rory thought. _I could never have nightmares worse than this._

And then he died. And woke up as a Roman Centurion.

For a while, he didn't have nightmares at all. He dreamed of the Doctor and their adventures, but mostly, he dreamed of Amy. He missed her more than he could ever put into words, and he wasn't even sure she was real.

So when he found her again, and she didn't know him… he could have died right there. That moment stuck in his mind and haunted him. He thought it would be all he dreamed of for the rest of his life.

How could he have known that he would then shoot his beloved? That she would die in his arms. Rory spent the next two thousand years desperately trying not to dwell on that moment.

Then the universe was rebooted, he forgot all of it, and for a short time, he dreamed only those same benign dreams. He didn't know at the time, but it was the most wonderful time in his life. Ignorance truly is bliss.

When Rory remembered again, it was a rush of emotion. Joy, confusion as to how the Doctor was back, fear because the world was suddenly a much bigger place, and terror because the dreams were going to come back.

Losing Amy, killing Amy, aliens, living forever and ever made of plastic, dying and dying and dying… Rory was happy the Doctor was back and Amy would get her adventures again, but his smile was forced. He couldn't tell Amy. She wouldn't understand. He was resigned to his fate, but he was not okay.

**Author's Note:**

> my brother couldn't understand why I was so disturbed by that particular scene with Amy and Melody. even putting aside the sexist tropes and Moffatness of it, it was one of the most horrifying scenes in Doctor Who. so I had to write this, of course.


End file.
